Autobiography of my Formative Years

I was born in Champagne, Illinois. I spent 6 years traveling with my mom in a Van- she was trying to get out her music. I always thought if she had lived in the era of technology she would be living her dream as an acoustic-folk legend. She’s so talented, I gained a lot of inspiration from her in my youth.

We lived in Seattle, stopped in San Francisco, and stayed in Sedona. When we got to Texas, we lived in a homeless shelter we referred to as the ‘Star of Nope’ (actually named Star of Hope). We had to pretend to be Christian to live there. One time she caught me drawing a 6 pointed star and hastily told me to stop. I didn’t understand why… I was just 5 years old expressing myself through art. Looking back on it, it’s super obvious why she didn’t want me doing that.

We ate corn out of the can. We lived in a tent in a trailer park for awhile. I stepped on a red ant hill & they bit me all through my tights. I was so free. I was so loved, even by the ants that bit me. I never knew why my grandparents decided to keep me that fateful summer. For a long time, that was my biggest regret. Flying from our cool art studio in Austin to my grandparent’s house in bumfuck nowhere on the Mississippi.

Living in the country did a number on me. Going from the freedom of expression to being stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing to prove and no way out. My dad is a total computer geek. Starting 2nd grade I had my neopets account and my A+ report card. I took a lot of pride in my schoolwork.

But when my dad got a job in Paw Paw, Illinois & my sister and I moved out there… that small village of 800 people- i was immediately an outcast. I had seen so much & done so much. I missed my mom so much. I got the moniker ‘Crybaby Claire’ early on, and that always stuck with me.

Being labeled ‘a nerd’ wasn’t so fun for me. I yearned to fit in, but kept this know-it-all edge that was simply off putting to my peers. I didn’t fit in, so I inserted myself into the conversation. I started playing basketball in 4th grade. I always got the ‘hustle award’ at the end of the season. I was recognized for my dedication, but lacked the skills to impress anybody but the coaches. The coaches recognized my need for more. I always got rides home from them, and my 8th grade coach even bought me basketball shoes. By that time, I was one of the 3 girls picked for the all star district team.

My laser focus helped me excel in extracurriculars, but of course my grades had started slipping by then. I was a disorganized mess in school. Never doing homework, yet acing all the tests. This was my identity for a long time. Now, at 27, I’m striving to change that.